Blog, Mental Health, Self Discovery, Words

Scream

One from a bit back – the endless frustration of cfs… I don’t know who I am and I just want to scream. I want to scream at stillness, shatter through this grey existence like breaking walls of glass into a million glinting shards. I search and wail and am lost in the years of… Read More Scream

Blog, Mental Health, Self Discovery

Movement and fear

Next week, I’m starting a Pilates class at my physio. Spending a few years sat down doesn’t do much for your posture, and apparently, hardly any of my core muscles are working any more, with my neck/shoulders and lumbar region working double hard to keep me upright, rather than the muscles that actually should be… Read More Movement and fear

Blog, Mental Health

Limits: The invisible barrier and making sense

In a move that is nothing new for me, I’ve been thinking a lot recently. Quelle surprise, I know. But here’s the thing. We all know about imposter syndrome, I think – where we feel inadequately qualified for a role, telling ourselves we can’t do it, that others are way better for the job or… Read More Limits: The invisible barrier and making sense

Blog, Mental Health, Self Discovery

I am for

I’d like to say thank you for the thoughtful, heartfelt comments on Caring Enough. To hear that other people feel like this as well helped enormously. I needed to hear the things that people enjoy doing, to see that despite this feeling, it’s possible to begin to get involved in life once more. And, of… Read More I am for

Blog, Mental Health, Self Discovery

Caring Enough

This is a weird thing to try and write about. I think I’ve deleted this sentence about 8 times, trying to put into words this odd feeling that’s niggling at me recently. It’s getting to that time in my ‘time off real work’ where I’m starting to get itchy feet. I feel, if not that… Read More Caring Enough

Blog, Mental Health, Outdoors, Self Discovery

One foot in front of the other

It’s Tuesday. I’ve caffeinated my way through my piano lesson and am now munching my way through a pile of vegetable sticks and houmous. Somehow this has randomly become my favourite lunch. I feel like after the yuletide period my body was crying out for vegetables, vitamins, anything green… so I’m well into the crunchy… Read More One foot in front of the other

Blog, Mental Health, Self Discovery

Things that I’m proud I did in 2018

2018 was a huge, crashing, explosion of a year. When I look back, the overwhelming feeling is that I’m so glad it’s over – one or two huge things sticking out, obscuring anything else from view. We’re well into 2019 now and I’ve spent a few days mulling over the last year in my head.… Read More Things that I’m proud I did in 2018

Blog, Mental Health

The Cave

Yesterday I woke up in The Cave. Walls closing in on my mind, crushing, eternal and dark. The sickening lurch towards the bottomless pit – that pull that’s so easy to give in to, drifting towards the horizon edge. My breath was panicked, short, shuddering. In the first five minutes of the day I felt… Read More The Cave

Blog, Mental Health, Self Discovery

Momentum

I managed a little walk today. And yesterday, and the day before. I’ve been thinking about making a change for a while. Last year was a shocker. The previous ones weren’t so great either. And a little walk, each day, sounds just lovely. Beginning to move stiff joints. Clearing out the cobwebs from my brain,… Read More Momentum

Blog, Mental Health, Self Discovery, Words

I like the wrinkles round my eyes

I like the wrinkles round my eyes that crease up when I smile I like my crazy curly hair (although it’s taken a while) I like picking a tune out on old keys or strings or tin or wood I’m finally realising that it’s ok to say I’m good I like my tiny little ears… Read More I like the wrinkles round my eyes