Endings and Themes. As the days fall shorter and October slips slowly into November, all is gathered and the Celtic year comes to a close. Samhain, Halloween – the culmination of the harvest, and the time for planning and setting foundations for the next year. And so, with evenings darkening and leaves falling, I settle,… Read More Endings and Themes
Stepping Out. I think I’ve reached a point where I want out of this divided society. Remember the days where people had different opinions, but that was okay? The days before hacked elections and feed algorithms. The days where people would have an opinion, and maybe not agree with someone else – but that was… Read More Stepping Out.
The Ultimate Imposter. In my head, it’s a fact that I’m not as good as other people. I’ve spent years honing my inner ‘rating’ scale, comparing myself to everyone I meet, noting all the ways that they’re better than me. At uni, I know that I’m nowhere near as good as the other people studying… Read More The Ultimate Imposter
Haircuts and freedom. I gave myself a lockdown haircut the other day. I’ve not been to a hairdresser for a few years now and have instead let my curls grow, embracing the wildness instead of straightening them into submission. I feel like I’ve come home, and now I really love my crazy hair, even though… Read More Haircuts and freedom
New Routines. I took a week off last week, unplanned until Sunday evening. I’d spent an entire day in a funk, folded into a sofa crease, clocking up the hours on social media. I spent maybe 8, 9 hours online, getting more and more miserable and angry at myself, yet unable to stop. I need… Read More New Routines
Thinking or doing? I think a lot. About so many different things – the obvious ones, like my research, and the less obvious ones, like whether I replied to that message 6 years ago with the right tone of voice, or just exactly how uncomfortable I will feel wearing whatever I’ve decided to wear in… Read More Thinking or doing?
Fleeting reaction versus deep time emotion. I’ve noticed something weird over the past few years. As I grow older and settle into myself, finally, I still find myself comparing others’ success to my own, even though underneath I know that really it doesn’t matter. It’s hard to really explain what I mean, but I’m going… Read More Fleeting reaction vs deep time emotion
Fatigue and Memory. CFS/ME is weird condition to have. A list of symptoms as long as my arm (and then some) goes without saying, but the one I find to be particularly disturbing is my lack of memory. I can remember most things. Information for uni. Things I did in the past. Many embarrassing incidents… Read More Fatigue and Memory
Choice. Last night I was miserable, moaning. In a dark mood, feeling an anger inside that ground me down. I sat on the settee and harrumphed, feeling ever-so-sorry for myself. I hate feeling like this, I told myself for the thousandth time. If only… …and then it hit me. I really, really dislike this person… Read More Choice
Finding my place. I never really slotted in, truly. I wasn’t a cool kid. I wasn’t overly popular, I wasn’t stand-out good at anything. I had lovely friends but always felt a little outside. On the inside. I never really had anything to define me, save the odd obligatory teenage boyband obsession and my crazy… Read More Finding my Place