Every time I think about going back into full-time management, something appears to kick me in the face and tell me no. When I applied for and got an interview for a job recently that I knew would send me back into countless unpaid extra hours, a high level of stress, and a target-filled environment, it transpired that the interviewing manager was my old boss from my previous, extra stressful job. I knew I couldn’t do that again, and so I made my excuses and cancelled the interview.
Whenever I think about leaving personal training to concentrate more on my part-time job and on writing, I get queries from new clients and opportunities out of the blue. I feel like something is telling me it’s not time to quit PT, that I should hang on in there. And that I definitely shouldn’t go back to management.
I don’t know why I applied for that job. Maybe the lure of something I knew I was good at, maybe just wanting to feel validated by an external company rather than the relentless self-doubt of self employment. Maybe just to feel important again, at something I knew I could do, but forgetting the cost that a job like that comes with.
So no, I don’t know why I did it, but I feel like something out there sent me not just a wake-up call, but a huge slap in the face to bring me to my senses. Not just subtle signs, but glaring, neon-lit, up-in-lights arrows.
I’m not religious. I like nature, the universe, and the old ways of celebrating the change of the seasons, but I’m as yet unconvinced by God, Gods, or similar. So how do I explain what happened?
I can’t. I just smile and enjoy the feeling that something or someone might just have my back. Rationally, it’s a lucky coincidence, and if so, I’ll take it gladly.
But I took those occurrences, coincidence or not, as a sign that I’m on the right path, and I’ll happily keep stumbling along it, doing what feels right, trying not to be distracted by the pull of the dark side, and continuing to head towards my own personal light.