Blog, Mental Health, Self

Things that I’m proud I did in 2018

2018 was a huge, crashing, explosion of a year. When I look back, the overwhelming feeling is that I’m so glad it’s over – one or two huge things sticking out, obscuring anything else from view. We’re well into 2019 now and I’ve spent a few days mulling over the last year in my head.… Read More Things that I’m proud I did in 2018

Blog, Mental Health

The Cave

Yesterday I woke up in The Cave. Walls closing in on my mind, crushing, eternal and dark. The sickening lurch towards the bottomless pit – that pull that’s so easy to give in to, drifting towards the horizon edge. My breath was panicked, short, shuddering. In the first five minutes of the day I felt… Read More The Cave

Blog, Mental Health, Self

Momentum

I managed a little walk today. And yesterday, and the day before. I’ve been thinking about making a change for a while. Last year was a shocker. The previous ones weren’t so great either. And a little walk, each day, sounds just lovely. Beginning to move stiff joints. Clearing out the cobwebs from my brain,… Read More Momentum

Blog, Mental Health, Self, Words

I like the wrinkles round my eyes

I like the wrinkles round my eyes that crease up when I smile I like my crazy curly hair (although it’s taken a while) I like picking a tune out on old keys or strings or tin or wood I’m finally realising that it’s ok to say I’m good I like my tiny little ears… Read More I like the wrinkles round my eyes

Blog, Mental Health, Self, Simplicity

Claws, clutter, and change

The last year or so has been a journey, to put it mildly. Now I’m feeling quite a lot better, and I’m ready to step into this next phase of life. I’m quite looking forward to it. I think I’ve learnt a lot. A road I never expected but really, I feel like a better… Read More Claws, clutter, and change

Blog, Mental Health

I’m sorry I am me

This morning, I was up and about in the valley running an errand or two. Enjoying the warm sunshine and golden light, I was full of the joys of, well, autumn. I came up to a pedestrian crossing, seeing someone on the other side. And then I realised I knew them, and the last time… Read More I’m sorry I am me

Blog, Mental Health

Feeling Lost

I was sat the other day, over-thinking (a normal, everyday activity for me). Enclosed by a deep armchair with a brightly covered throw, typical of our house where nothing matches anything else, with no real coherent direction of design. It reflects me rather well, I thought. Not in a bad way, but in that chaotic… Read More Feeling Lost

Blog, Mental Health, Self

A little list of little things

Little things that make me happy when I’m feeling a bit wobbly: -Guinea Pigs -A book to lose myself in -Making Spotify playlists of all the music I loved when I was growing up -Doing my makeup and playing with crazy colours -Playing with the cat -A huge mug of tea -Playing piano (or another… Read More A little list of little things

Blog, Mental Health, Self

Taking antidepressants

“Come on, now I hear you’re feeling down Well I can ease your pain And get you on your feet again” -Pink Floyd, Comfortably Numb I’m tethered to my mac by the headphone cable, eyes closed, floating on the familiar cushion of music. I feel a sort of knot, rising in my throat- a physical… Read More Taking antidepressants

Blog, Mental Health, Self, Simplicity

Spending to feel better

It’s just about cold enough for porridge today. Even though I’ve pulled on a t-shirt this morning, autumn is pricking at my bare arms and the wind brings that unmistakable scent, the one where summer starts to sigh and draw languidly to a close. The pan lid tickers away, bubbles escaping from inside and the… Read More Spending to feel better