I’d like to say thank you for the thoughtful, heartfelt comments on Caring Enough. To hear that other people feel like this as well helped enormously. I needed to hear the things that people enjoy doing, to see that despite this feeling, it’s possible to begin to get involved in life once more. And, of course, to just be and try to let go of that self judgement. That feeling of ‘I should be better by now’. I wanted to just articulate this feeling, explore it, poke it and prod at it a little. It’s kind of hard to find the right words, though.
It’s just a greyness, where interest once sparked. A… longing, almost…. a heart-pull when I think of things I used to do, a despair that I just can’t get that feeling back right now.
I am having some trouble remembering who I am, I think. Losing self to mental illness isn’t that fun, and coming out the other side still isn’t fun – there’s a lot of trying to remember who that person was before the dementors got a hold of them.
So, in the interests of moving forward, I’ve made a little list of the things I stand for, or would like to stand for in the future. Things change, people change, and I’m not sure that I’d still enjoy the things I used to do, but I’ll list them anyway, with no pressure or expectation, just with curiosity, and a little gentleness.
I am Sal, and I am for:
What would you be ‘for’?