This is a weird thing to try and write about. I think I’ve deleted this sentence about 8 times, trying to put into words this odd feeling that’s niggling at me recently. It’s getting to that time in my ‘time off real work’ where I’m starting to get itchy feet. I feel, if not that I want to go back into the world of work, then that I need to start doing more.
I definitely feel a lot better and not-as-depressed as I was this time last year, and I can feel the seeds of movement sprouting along with the changing season. I’ve been walking. I’ve spent a few months making jewellery. I’ve even been doing my piano practice (shocker). So, it’s time to do some more things that I enjoy. And that’s where I’m coming unstuck.
This is going to sound stupid. But I’m having trouble finding things I actually like doing enough to start doing them.
That sounds so twattish.
It’s so hard to explain. What hobbies do I have? Well, nothing, really. I potter in the garden, because it’s something to do. I read a little, but not a lot. I mess about making things, but only in fits and starts. I play piano because I always have. That’s it.
What defines me? What do I care about?
And that’s the million dollar question. What do I care about? And more to the point, how do I find myself caring enough to actually do something?
I wrote so much more to this post, but it just sounded wrong – it wasn’t what I wanted to say. It ended up more like a huge pity-party. I am genuinely curious as to why I am feeling this way – where did all my convictions go?
Possibly it’s because I feel jaded about the state of the world now and my head is telling me nothing matters anyway. Maybe I’ve read too many apocalyptic books recently. Maybe I can never live up to social media. Maybe I’m just really, really boring. Maybe I’m still lost.
And so I ask a little favour, if you’re so inclined. Please leave a comment with your hobbies, interests, something you’re passionate about. I’d love to know why, what drives you, what you get from it. Maybe you’re vegan, for the planet, for the animals. Maybe you exercise to feel the endorphin rush. Maybe you lose yourself in art. Maybe you are part of a community group, a political party, a dance troupe, a yarn-bombing group. What classes do you enjoy, what would you say are your interests, how do you explore these?
I’ll try and get some more thoughts on this sometime in the future – for now I think I need a healthy dose of inspiration 🙂