Blog, Words

Wrestling with words

wrestling-with-words

You may or may not have noticed the reduced frequency of posts recently here on OES. And truly, I honestly don’t know why. It’s not that I’ve no time, or too much on… I’ve just been wandering in a fug for the last couple of months, not quite sure where I’m heading, and have been finding it a little difficult to write, wrestling with words, wrestling with the lack of words… So here’s an honest bit.

I’ve spent a few months losing the passion I once felt for many interests, and am just not too sure what direction I want to take OES in in the coming months and years. It’s funny, when I’m unfocused. I tend to find clutter building up around me, a reflection on my mind – a little out of control recently, maybe.

Sometimes I feel that I’ve said all I want to say about minimalism. A minimal way of thinking is just a normal part of me now, so ingrained that I feel that to write anything more would be to repeat myself. I’m probably (definitely) wrong on this – I just need to look in a different light. But for now, here I am. And what else to write about? There are so many things! Too many to choose? In an age when we can write about a million different, amazing things, it’s sure hard to choose a direction.

I’ve been feeing a sort of nostalgia, but for what, I can’t put my finger on. Like a longing, something I missed out on, something back in the past calling out to me so that I’m finding it hard to move forward with ideas. A sort of hiraeth seeping into consciousness, but from a source unknown. I feel I’m looking for answers… but I don’t know the question, either.

I feel I’ve sort of lost the image I built of the person I am or was, and a new image isn’t quite as forthcoming as I hoped it would be, if I was hoping at all. Truth is, I didn’t really know this image was something I’d had, until it quietly slipped away, closing the door behind it. I’m not sad that I’m changing, of course not. Just more than a little curious, and true to form, ever impatient.

So, of course I’m still writing, but it’ll be a little less frequently until I figure out where myself, and One Empty Shelf are going! It’s definitely somewhere, I know that, but the exact course is a little, er, ‘satnav special’ right now. Long, winding, and with a high possibility of ending up in a field…

I’m still all over Twitter and Instagram like a ginger ninja, feel free to catch me on the in-betweens.

Thank you so much for bearing with me!
Sal X

🙂

 

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4 thoughts on “Wrestling with words

  1. Wow. Sounds a lot like empty nest syndrome. Raising my children, being wife, a daughter, daughter in-law, being there for the elders in both families, running a home……those things were the primary things, a job was secondary. It was income. Well, the elders are gone, the parents and in-law’s are gone, the children are grown and while they still need me, it’s not a full time thing any more. I remember dreaming about all the things I would do once I had the time. So many ideas, so many options! But here I am finally and I have zero motivation to start anything. I feel like I can’t remember who I used to be and can’t figure out who I am now…… I’m adrift, unmoored. It’s depressing.

    No answers, just a fist bump of sympathy from someone in a similar boat! Be well.

    1. I have definitely been there, and have had times when I just couldn’t motivate myself to save my life, to write. That’s why there have been occasional breaks on my blog for a month here or there, and once for two months. The good thing is that you’re seeing that there’s a change in you, and you’re working on figuring out exactly what it is, and what you will become. What is that saying – life is a journey?

      Hugs to you 🙂 When you feel like writing again, I’ll be here, reading.

      1. Life is a journey. The problem comes in when you lose your map…..and your compass…..and your innate sense of direction goes on the fritz! Ahh! What a conundrum, all the time in the world and no idea what to do with it. It’s a sad state of affairs.

        The urge to minimize my surroundings hit me about a year ago. While I’ve been somewhat minimal in other areas of my life, I have had a Great Depression mentality when it comes to things. What if I need it? What if I become desperately poor? What if I can never afford another “fill in the blank”? What if someone else needs it? It’s still good. It’s only a little broken……..What switch flipped in my brain I’ll probably never know but flip it did and I’ve been on a roll, on and off, for a year now. So when the “I don’t know what I want to do with the rest of my life” blues sink their hooks into me, I start purging. Doesn’t answer any questions for me but it distracts me, serves a purpose and keeps me from getting into a deep funk over my inability to figure out what path I’m going to set foot to next.

        I hope you figure out what the question is soon. Once you figure out the question, the answer won’t be too long in coming to you. I’ll be excited to see where the answer takes you!

  2. I’ve had the same a few times over the years, especially after a bout of decluttering. Then there are the natural sea change moments in life. A stripping away of identity, hobbies or passions that having immersed yourself in for a while, you then desire to move onto something else. I am sure if you delve into new interests or different activities, you will find some part of yourself there as yet undiscovered and you can go exploring… into the world and deeper into a new sense of yourself. Happy wandering!

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