Wrestling with words
You may or may not have noticed the reduced frequency of posts recently here on OES. And truly, I honestly don’t know why. It’s not that I’ve no time, or too much on… I’ve just been wandering in a fug for the last couple of months, not quite sure where I’m heading, and have been finding it a little difficult to write, wrestling with words, wrestling with the lack of words… So here’s an honest bit.
I’ve spent a few months losing the passion I once felt for many interests, and am just not too sure what direction I want to take OES in in the coming months and years. It’s funny, when I’m unfocused. I tend to find clutter building up around me, a reflection on my mind – a little out of control recently, maybe.
Sometimes I feel that I’ve said all I want to say about minimalism. A minimal way of thinking is just a normal part of me now, so ingrained that I feel that to write anything more would be to repeat myself. I’m probably (definitely) wrong on this – I just need to look in a different light. But for now, here I am. And what else to write about? There are so many things! Too many to choose? In an age when we can write about a million different, amazing things, it’s sure hard to choose a direction.
I’ve been feeing a sort of nostalgia, but for what, I can’t put my finger on. Like a longing, something I missed out on, something back in the past calling out to me so that I’m finding it hard to move forward with ideas. A sort of hiraeth seeping into consciousness, but from a source unknown. I feel I’m looking for answers… but I don’t know the question, either.
I feel I’ve sort of lost the image I built of the person I am or was, and a new image isn’t quite as forthcoming as I hoped it would be, if I was hoping at all. Truth is, I didn’t really know this image was something I’d had, until it quietly slipped away, closing the door behind it. I’m not sad that I’m changing, of course not. Just more than a little curious, and true to form, ever impatient.
So, of course I’m still writing, but it’ll be a little less frequently until I figure out where myself, and One Empty Shelf are going! It’s definitely somewhere, I know that, but the exact course is a little, er, ‘satnav special’ right now. Long, winding, and with a high possibility of ending up in a field…
Thank you so much for bearing with me!