Oh I’ve tried. I’ve tried to become a morning person. I’ve read blogs about increasing productivity, about gradually waking earlier to enjoy the silence of the day, about using the extra hours to meditate, to write, to walk and be in nature. I’ve tried setting my alarm gradually earlier, I’ve tried setting my alarm much earlier. And every single time, the result is the same. I turn the alarm off and go straight back to sleep.
I’ve come to realise something about mornings and myself. I’ve been feeling a little pressure to become this new me, a me who actually enjoys stumbling out of bed, bleary eyed, in pitch darkness and negative temperatures. I’ve been feeling a failure because no matter how many months…no actually, years… I’ve been trying for, I just don’t get on with early mornings. Save for the occasional day when I awake actually inspired to get out of bed at that time…. It’s just not happening.
The big change that I’ve come to embrace is letting go of the pressure to enjoy early mornings. I lost sight of the fact that come 9pm, I’m buzzing with ideas and creativity. I forgot that I’ll sit and write for hours into the night, with colour and sparks fizzing around my synapses. To try and change this night owl into an early bird would mean sacrificing my own unique time for creation, and misplacing it, forcing it to an unnatural place in the day. Forcing creativity never works out well for me. Forcing my natural creative rhythm probably won’t, either.
So, dear, dark mornings, I apologise. But for now at least, I sleep through your early alarms and inky blackness. I rise with daylight and tea, with the comfort of a duvet still lingering and the softness of a natural awakening enveloping my soul. I wake slowly, but with purpose. And I take my creativity as it comes, whatever time it decides to appear.