A meditation on 2015
After taking stock this autumn, here are just a few things I’ve learned in 2015, and some hopes and dreams for the coming year.
It’s easy to get dragged down into social-media-reality.
Filtered photos, highlights from people’s lives, constant bad news, fishing status updates. All designed to make us want to check back every few minutes on our phones, to be hooked in to the drama in someone else’s life, to view another’s perfect perspective and feel we don’t quite add up in comparison.
We feel mundane and boring, yet can’t resist checking our phones every few moments in case something has happened to make us feel a little alive, a spark of interest. Rarely does it. But we continue, and continue.
Personally, I struggle with social media addiction, if that’s what the kids are calling it these days. I’ve caught myself in a loop, checking Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, Beme, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, Beme, Facebook, Twitter…….. over and over and over. Pages of scrolling, beige, bland updates. 4 Twitter accounts. 3 Facebook pages and a personal account. This isn’t life.
I feel bad when I look at social media, but I feel like I might miss out when I don’t check it constantly. This year I’ve realised this is no way at all to pass the time.
It’s OK to ask for help.
I’ve always been quite independent in my thinking. I want to do things by myself and never really entertain the thought of asking someone to help me. But this year, trying to cope with developing symptoms stemming from excessive, constantly repeated stress in a job I left a few years ago, I finally took the step to asking someone for help. It was the best thing I ever did. I’ve learnt a lot about why I am who I am, how people are impacted by their first few years, how, over time, things turned out the way they did. I’ve found out it’s OK to talk about it. I found out that people genuinely want to help. It’s very, very interesting, and it’s totally changed my belief in what I can achieve. So it’s onwards and upwards from this point on and I’m really enjoying the journey!
I’m still here.
I wrote about this a few weeks ago in my post ‘Detour‘. I feel like the person I was, before ‘normal life’ happened, is starting to come back. True, I was sucked into the corporate world for almost a decade, and am still living with the scars. I was told to study certain subjects, to keep doing exams, and the wild-haired, messy, muddy girl ebbed away, little by little. But this year has been a process, a much-needed one. I feel like I’ve started to process all those stressful years, finally. And by releasing that stress, my soul finally exhaled. All those parts of me, locked away in an uptight shell, have come tumbling back and I’m having a great time sifting through them all once more, rebuilding and expanding back to the real me, the person that existed before suits and highlights got in the way.
Ginger hair is a winner
I’ve spent the last 10 years with increasing amount of blonde highlights, via jet black for a few months. Recently I changed my hair back to my original, flaming, bright ginger. I feel like I’m back.
So, I’m letting go of some things and recapturing others. I have a clearer plan about where my life is heading and, more importantly, a new-found belief that I might just be able to achieve this one, this time.
Next year is a year for action, for looking after and diving in to One Empty Shelf. Finding new habits, rediscovering old ones. Running again and getting back on my old faithful bike.
Letting go of expectation, of ‘should be‘. Losing the ‘no, but’ and embracing the ‘yes, and…’.
Putting more holes in my ears and some pictures on my skin. Trying new things, making more videos, finding a way to make a living from this, this little thing that I love. Creating a schedule and sticking to it. Staying curious. And leaving the social media bubble behind, of course.