I’m trying to be more mindful of the reasoning behind my actions. I’ve sometimes caught myself saying things, doing things, thinking things that just aren’t me. I’ve said yes to projects and commitments, I’ve done things I didn’t really want to, and found it easy to continue through life without questioning my motives. I’ve not questioned the reasons behind why I do certain things until recently. And I’ve found that by focusing on those reasons, I’ve uncovered a few deeper layers to myself and to those around me, too.
What I’ve noticed is that a lot of the commitments I said yes to, the ones I didn’t enjoy… they were motivated by money, or how I thought I should be, or to avoid saying no to someone I thought I should be saying yes to.
I find the things that I really, honestly want to do, aren’t motivated by how much money I think I should be earning, or what image I need to project, or what other people want me to do.The projects I spend time on are the ones that sit well with me, where I can help people, or learn from people. Where I can interact with people who have a passion for their work, that undercurrent, that deep drive that forms the basis of everything they do. It’s an honour to be inspired by people like that.
Strangely, I’ve begun to notice other people’s motives more, too. Those driven by money, those driven by convenience for themselves. People who don’t yet have a direction. I know myself that I’ve been floating in and out of all of these categories, quite regularly.
So I’m trying to listen to that little voice inside me. I’m becoming more mindful of the feeling in my gut, that one that says yes, yes this is the right path, this is exciting. That voice which also twists and turns and warns of unsettlement, that one I’ve ignored and tried to override for so many years.
I want to align my beliefs, my drive, with my actions. I don’t want to be part of somebody else’s agenda if I fundamentally can’t align myself with the motive for the project. In the long term, I’m hoping that by questioning my reasons, I’ll become a more authentic self, a less stressed self, a truer self.
When we’re aligned, it’s easier to move forwards and pursue those things that give us joy. Finding what drives you gives you that energy to pour into something you love and find that connection with purpose.
And on that journey, we may just uncover a few more surprises, too.