A passing comment the other day took me completely by surprise. “You have a good life”, she said. I laughed and acknowledged it, this little sentence, loaded with so much history and countless layers. My life, which a few years ago I would have never dreamed was possible. My reality now, day to night to day. That tiny, insignificant sentence, lost then in that minute’s experience, drifted back to me later that night. I do have a good life. And strangely, I’m too busy fighting forwards to sit back and realise what I’ve actually achieved.
A good life. What does that mean to me? Me, the eternal pessimist, no matter how hard I try to change my thinking. I focus on the stress and the strain, the clutter and unattainability, the reasons why not instead of the reasons why.
So I’m busy thinking of the inconvenience of not having my car fixed, when I have full health, free time and beautiful scenery on my doorstep. I’m complaining about the lack of excess money when I don’t partake in the consumer life anyway. When my true joy comes from the stupendous beauty of the world around me, not from having excess money to spend on excess stuff. I feel the gloom of a rainy day and forget about the warmth of the sun on my back just a few days past.
I lay on my back on my bed in the enveloping darkness and reflected a little. I chewed over that sentence, feeling it fill my head and slowly travel through my veins. A good life. A life I made and never thought I’d be able to have. A life in which I have full control, a life in which I’m immersed, a life that I’m excited by, every single day.
I allowed a little swell of pride to grow, nestled in my being. I let a small smile pass my lips, unseen in the night. I let my mind forget judgement and acknowledge that truth, that I’m so gratified with my life. I’m proud of what I’ve managed to do, this girl with a mind that bends and sways but hides a core of steel, a determination, a belief.
I write. I create. I support good work through my job. I motivate, I watch, I move, I help people to feel better. I am able to do the things I love, supported by good people and good coffee. I potter around my jumbly old house and pour my soul into the stone walls. I spend days with my favourite person, a daft cat, and copious amounts of houseplants. It really is a good life.
That night I truly understood the value of doing what you believe is right. It matters more than we think, being able to say yes, this is my life and I am truly, honestly, living every single beautiful moment of it.
So I learned a small something from those five words. To embrace my thinking but sometimes, just sometimes, look at things from outside. To remember what once was. To open my eyes to the good, even if only once in a while. To live, to love, to be my wild self, and to continue creating this amazing life, no holds barred.
Because I do have a good life. And I love every second of it.